THE STORY OF the beautiful deer that played decoy in the abduction of Sita, the wife of Ram, in the Ramayana resonates strongly with me. As it must with all those who allow their tongues to run amok whenever they are tense or agitated or angry. Although we are told from the time we are kids that we must not steer a ship in a storm, meaning we must not talk or act in haste when angry, taming the tongue remains a tall ask.
In case you are wondering what the deer has to do with keeping the tongue in check, let us take a quick look at the story.
Gambolling deer
When Ram was exiled to the forests for 14 years by the machinations of his step-mother Kaikeyi and her maid Manthara, Sita and Lakshman accompanied him. One day, Sita spotted an exceedingly beautiful deer frolicking near their hermitage and fell in love with it. She told Ram she wanted to keep it for a pet. Lakshman, however, smelt a rat; he noticed that other animals in the forest were keeping a safe distance from it. He voiced his reservations but Sita wouldn’t listen. She asked Ram to catch the animal for her.
Ram, weighed down by the realization that Sita had sacrificed all her royal comforts to stay with him, could not refuse her. He set out after the deer, which kept running deeper and deeper into the forest. Whenever Ram was close to catching it, it took unusually long leaps and landed far away. At times, it disappeared from one spot and materialised elsewhere. Unable to trap it, Ram decided to shoot it down.
Shape-changer demon
Accordingly, he aimed an arrow at the deer. The minute the arrow struck the animal, it changed into the demon, Maricha. The shape-changing demon had been sent by the demon-king, Ravan, to lure Ram into the forests and create an opportunity for him to kidnap Sita. As Maricha bled to death, he began to scream piteously — in a voice that sounded just like Ram’s.
Both Lakshman and Sita heard the cry. Immediately, Sita asked Lakshman to set out in search of Ram. But he refused, saying Ram had tasked him to protect her. He told her he sniffed a conspiracy and that the voice was not Ram’s. But Sita would not listen. She was adamant he should go. Lakshman was firm that he would not.
Stinging accusation
Tense, agitated, angry and desperate, Sita lost control of herself. In her frenzy, she accused Lakshman of having unholy intentions towards her. “You have an evil eye on me… You think that if you don’t go to help Ram, he will be slain, and then you can have your way with me,” she shrieked. “Never. I will die before you can touch me.” (The quote has been taken verbatim from Chaitanya Charan’s book, Wisdom from the Ramayana.)
Cut to the quick by the terrible accusation, Lakshman decided to go. Before leaving, he drew a circle (lakshmanrekha) around the hermitage, invested it with protective powers and asked Sita not to step beyond it for her own safety.
Ram’s advice
Lakshman met Ram a little distance from the hermitage. He told Ram about the hurtful exchange with Sita, as he tried to explain why he had left her unprotected. But Ram brushed his words aside, saying he should not have taken what she said in the heat of the moment so seriously. According to Chaitanya Charan, what Ram essentially meant was – do not ascribe ill intention to what is spoken in tension.
Soon after, Lakshman calmed down. The brothers then rushed back, realizing Sita was alone and in danger. But it was too late – when a mendicant came begging for food, she stepped beyond the lakshmanrekha, allowing the disguised Ravan to carry her away.
Six lessons
There are several lessons on taming the tongue that we can draw from the story. Some are:
(i) When we are agitated or angry, we tend to lose control of our thoughts and our tongue. So, we say whatever comes to mind, without weighing whether our words are harsh, hurtful, inappropriate, unjust, accusatory or untrue. Others may similarly hurt us. Since a lot many people are prone to such outbursts, we must forgive others for their lapses if we are to expect them to forgive ours.
(ii) It’s in situations like these that the whole business of taming the tongue comes in. We must try our best not to shoot off our mouths when we are angry. One time-tested way is to count up to 10 before saying anything. Another is to walk away from the scene and vent our anger in some other way – say, by writing in our diaries. When we have cooled down, we can think over the matter and take appropriate action.
Give peace a chance
(iii) Although we are told that people don’t mean what they blurt out in anger, a niggling doubt might arise in our minds – how can a person say something on the spur of the moment if he has not thought about it earlier? Doesn’t that mean there is an element of truth in it? Well, there could be, but we cannot dig into people’s minds. Suppose, they dug into ours – what would they find? So, the best way is to give people the benefit of doubt and peace a chance.
(iv) We will be able to move on after such incidents only if we believe that we must let go of the past and allow our relationships to thrive. We must ensure that our words heal, not hurt. After all, we are fellow human beings on the same journey called life.
Just shut up
(v) There are times when we must just shut up. When we see that a situation is getting out of hand, we can treat our words like 100-dollar bills or 2000-rupee notes and simply ration them. We will spare both others and ourselves a lot of damage.
(vi) Above all, we must take responsibility for our words. For, words are like arrows; once they are released, we cannot get them back.